In A World of Aventer Grays, Be a Cardi B.

I honestly could end this post by the headline alone, but that would leave too much room for you to deny that you’re once again projecting your bullshit onto Cardi B. So here we are.

Cardi B, The Polarizing Pop Star

Cardi B is no longer a stranger to even those on the fray of Black pop culture. The social media personality turned rapper has, quite literally, had her best year yet. She’s done television, dropped an unequally yoked relationship with her ex, performed on some of the biggest musical stages in the country, and scored a number one single — a feat that hasn’t been accomplished by a solo lady rapper since Lauryn Hill. On September 15th in this year of the Lord of Darkness two-thousand and twenty, news broke that Cardi B filed for divorce from her husband, rapper Offset, after three years of marriage following rumors of infidelity. Somehow, though, a moment of courageous strength brings out the worst in so many.

I’ve followed Cardi since discovering her hilarious Instagram videos. She was a refreshing voice with impeccable comedic timing coupled with straight no chaser details of her life. She’s privileged us to witness her highs and lows, fears, and doubts on her journey to her present self. I know every word to every song on Gangsta Bitch Music Vols. I and II + Invasion of Privacy. I treat Bodak Yellow as a devotional. I skip to her feature on every track she graces. As a longtime fan, I’m absolutely Pro-Cardi B in most things. I refuse to throw her away as irredeemable because of misguided outbursts. I see myself in her and find her success both inspirational and aspirational. Yes, me with my advanced degrees, corporate job, and ability to codify my tongue to be palatable to white ears see MYSELF in Cardi’s hustle and ambition. Unfortunately, not everyone shares these sentiments.

While we in #Bardigang are thrilled for our girl choosing herself, the Bitter Betties wasted absolutely no time in demeaning Cardi once again. With the news of her divorce coming on the heels of another Billboard #1 for the hypersexual bop WAP feat. Megan thee Stallion, niggas couldn’t wait to get their keystrokes off in criticism. They couldn’t wait to assert that Cardi’s infamous WAP line, “I don’t cook, I don’t clean, but let me tell you how I got this ring” is precisely why she’s losing the ring and the husband.

Cardi has never been bashful about her career in sex work as a stripper. She has spoken up about the complete spectrum of life as a dancer and been an advocate for fair treatment and compensation for women who are currently in the profession. Now her sex-positivity has been weaponized. When Cardi and Offset announced their engagement (and subsequent marriage), it was reduced the love between two consenting adults to Kiari (Offset) marrying a hoe. Now that we’ve reached divorce filings, she’s still being criticized about her sexuality despite not being the marital partner repeatedly engaged in infidelity — an unsurprising reaction by and large.

Despite the fact that Cardi initiated the divorce because of Offset’s repeated acts of infidelity in a monogamous marriage, all logic be damned. There’s a woman who dares have the audacity to be in control of her life to be dragged! Instead of pulling an Aventer Gray and choosing to help your husband escape accountability while he continually insults and embarasses you publicly, Cardi had the audacity to choose herself. That audacity, especially from a person who’s been deemed as unworthy because of her brash sexuality, breeds resentment and contempt from the good girls who are still cooking, cleaning, and being a damn fool for the partner who’s still cheating.

She’s a Slut, She’s a Hoe, She’s a Freak

Black women’s refusal to remain in spaces where they’re not fully appreciated is downright unsettling for some Black men. We’ve seen it with Ciara when she left her philandering ex-fiance and found happiness with Russell Wilson. We’re seeing it again now with Cardi B and her pending divorce.

By the logic of these men, Ciara settled for a corny guy because Russ is openly affectionate and honors her as his wife. Ciara should’ve stayed, remaining loyal to someone who disrespected her while waiting [hoping, really] for his growth and evolution. And Cardi? Well she’s just a ho who isn’t WORTHY of lifetime commitment and partnership.

At some point, we need to unpack the sexual repression of men (created by men and reinforced by women) that leads to these logical fallacies. At some point we have to talk about men’s validation of their sexual prowess through lots of sexual experience. We should also look at how men are desiring inexperienced partners so that their sexual ability is never scrutinized for its lack of pleasure. One day. But not today.

While it certainly brings out the worst in some Black men, so too does it offer shelter for some Black women’s feelings of inadequacy. Some of us take these criticisms of Cardi B by Black men as validation for themselves as long as they are the antithesis of everything Cardi represents. In doing so, we often negate and deflect accountability for these men who have CREATED the Cardi B/Lauryn Hill demonization and deification. One man tweeted “Offset proposed to this, hoes always get married first while the good women get played.”

Undoubtedly, women are retweeting and favoriting the tweet. But Sis if this tweet is true, who’s the one playing good girls like you? If the hoes are getting married, doesn’t that mean that there are men who aren’t “playing” them but seeing them as worthy of loyalty and commitment?

Spoiler alert: the same men who say this shit are the ones doing the playing and the marrying. Be ye not deceived. We co-sign this shit without critical thought because it validates our insecurities, but what are we really gaining from it?

As it has been said, I’m not certain some of you really want Black women to be happy. And yes, I already hear some of you chirping about “well she ain’t really Black.” The facts are that Cardi has never denied her Blackness. She’s spoken candidly about ALL facets of her Afro-Latina identity. She’s stood more boldly than some of your lukewarm blackity-black faves on issues of colorism, feminism, and the impacts of mass incarceration and wealth inequality. Certainly, she doesn’t articulate herself in the polished language of academic rhetoric — and she isn’t required to in order to be understood. But I’m getting beside myself and my original point.

Follow by Cardi B’s Example

The point is, the respectability politics that you project onto Cardi B are not a reflection of her character but of your own insecurities. It burns you up inside that someone who repeatedly gives a middle finger to respectable Blackness and performative womanhood can actually win.

Professionally, Cardi has consistently demonstrated a willingness to bet on herself.  She’s embraced her authenticity, refusing to be confined to the frameworks that others designed for her. She took her lived experience, a self-proclaimed stripper hoe, and unapologetically made it make room for her financial gain. She’s demonstrated a level business acumen that far exceeds that of many of her critics. Whenever a situation — be it business or personal — no longer suited her needs, she walked away. She literally left a consistent Mona Scott Young check to pursue her music career with full force.

Her personal growth and trajectory spits in the face of all the formulas and hierarchies that you’ve bought into and are now lockstep with. Brashly sexual and highly vocal about her financial needs, Cardi has not ever bemoaned the lack of romantic suitors. While you’re planning your imaginary wedding on Pinterest, Cardi B has been engaged, married, separated, reconciled, and divorced in three years while you’re yet waiting on God to Amazon Prime your boo to your doorstep.

While no woman’s ultimate value is found her ability to partner, one cannot deny that for whom marriage is important, Cardi’s proximity to the accomplishment flies in the face of how many of us have been trained to present ourselves as marriageable.  And the men who lead the chorus of derision and detraction? It’s time to own that you TOO are projecting your loneliness, emptiness, and sexual repression onto others disguised as jokes.

Here’s some solid advice if what you’ve been doing so far hasn’t yielded the results you want: instead of tearing down Cardi, maybe it’s time to study her playbook and apply it to your own life.

Happiness is Yours for the Taking

I’ve been there. I’ve been the woman trapped by insecurity and repression. I’ve been the woman who projected her insecurities and loneliness onto other women that I deemed as undeserving to make myself feel better. And if you’re a long time reader, you know that I’ve told you before Hoes Ain’t Won, YOU Just Lost because of how society and faith have manipulated women’s sexuality as a reflection of her value and worth. Cardi B isn’t the only one who deserves happiness; you do too.

If you’re reading this and can’t place its familiarity, it’s because I wrote this exact post when Cardi B & Offset announced their engagement in 2017. Because sadly, with only a few updates, this content is still evergreen. Make of that what you will.

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