No, you read the headline correctly. I’m on Facebook minding my own business when this post pops up on my timeline. It reads
Needed: African American reader for church service
We are a large church with a 99% Caucasian congregation. We are looking to hire an African American who can read to do readings at our church services to show that we are diverse. We are willing to pay up to $10 a service and all the leftover donuts you can carry.
Must be able to read.
Must be African American.
No prior experience necessary.
Well, I suppose I have to give them credit for using the term African American rather than Negro in this year of our Lord 2018. Also, the lack of previous experience required is sure to be a relief to job seekers everywhere. Like you, I’m baffled AF by the audacity to post the ad and the seriousness of it. I have more questions than answers at this point, such as:
- Is there a specific grade-level requirement for the selected reader?
- The ad says UP TO $10 PER service. What characteristics would qualify one to earn this illustrious amount of money?
- Why is it only $10 a service? If this is a large church, can’t you give the selected candidate at least $25 a service? I’m pretty sure that’s what Jesus would do.
- Does one need to be a local reader? Can the potential token reader Skype in their reading?
- About the donuts: Are these Krispy Kreme, specialty bakery, or generic store brand?
- Again, on the donuts: Is it as many as they can carry at one time? Multiple trips? Will they be allowed to carry them in multiple trips?
- Is the Token Black Reader reader required to remain for the entire service?
- Reading Style: Does the reader need to be proficient in African American Vernacular English (Ebonics) or will a riveting negro spiritual voice suffice?
- Will Token Black Reader need shuffle as well or is just reading sufficient?
- Does the Token Black Reader get their own microphone/headset/audio channel for such an esteemed role in this congregation?
- On Statistics: What size is your existing minority population that adding the Token Black Reader would be a statistically significant difference in your “diversity” efforts?
- Does anyone on the church staff have any Black friends? Don’t answer that. The posting of this add makes it clear you do not.
- Back to the donuts: Is this a every Sunday offering or once a month?
- Are the donuts “Whites Only” until after service? Why can’t the Token Black Reader have any before they become leftovers?
- Does the Token Black Reader have to join the church or can they just pop in between their own church services?
- How high do y’all think the probability is that in Scottsdale, AZ that there’s a large population of illiterate Black folks that y’all felt the need to specify literacy as a prerequisite?
- Finally, is this salary negotiable depending on experience?
Sigh. Stay predictable, White People.