“Here we go with the Deep Christians #SMH”
Whether you know one or you are one, #DeepSaints aren’t a new concept. From giving the side eye to anyone who “ain’t living right” to “yet praying” for those who are lost, below are some of the signs that you or someone you know just might be a #DeepSaint. Y’all pray my strength in the Lawdt.
1. You can easily fill in the blanks to this prayer: “Lord we come ______ you, ____ bent and body ____. You’ve been a ____ to the ____ and a ____ to the ____. We just wanna thank you on today, oh _____.”
How this prayer goes: Listen, Lord by James Weldon Johnson
2. You’ve still never watched/read the Harry Potter series because, “that’s demonic.”
3. You have ever unfriended/unfollowed someone because they criticized your pastor.
4. Your family and friends have stopped asking you to bless the food at dinner gatherings because you don’t know how to JUST bless the food.
Watch: Black Family Prayer
5. The only time you’ll go to the movie theater is when a new Christian movie is released.
You won’t be caught in that den of iniquity unless it’s War Room, Passion of the Christ, or the newest Tyler Perry film.
6. You quicken at the mention of any of the following: “But God!”, “But on the THIRD day!”, “The BLOOD!”, “FAVOR!”
7. You know what quickening is (without a dictionary).
8. You use the following phrases at least once daily: “Shondo” , “I bind the devil/satan”, “The devil is busy”, “Satan the Lord God rebuke you”, or “the devil is a lie.”
9. You regularly rebuke people in comment sections online.
10. Your TV channel favorites include at least 2 of the following: The Word Network, TBN, UP TV, OWN, or Daystar.
11. You keep an emergency spare prayer cloth for that “wayward” young lady who might come to church.
12. You own every “Tyler Perry Presents” film and play although you think he is a little too wordly but you’re “yet praying for him.”
13. You regularly quote “judge ye not” but constantly judge the actions of others.
14. You can finish this statement: “If it had not been ___________ who was __________, I don’t know _______________.”
15. You refer to LGBTQIA people as the following: “alternative lifestyle” or “s/he’s in that life.”
16. You regularly use the following phrases in reference to your finances: “I’m in between blessings”, “My father owns the cattle on a thousand hills”, “Jesus paid it all and all to HIM I owe”, “I decree AND declare”, “I bind the spirit of lack on my house”, or “I cancel this debt in the name of Jesus.”
17. Your phone or voicemail greeting begins with “Praise the Lord” and ends with “Have a blessed day.”
18. You quote Leviticus to preach against homosexuality but first in line for the ham and shrimp at the church banquet.
19. When someone does wrong by you (even if it’s your fault), you probably respond with “you’re cursed with a curse! The bible says touch not my anointed and do my prophets no harm!”
20. You should be sitting in the back due to your elaborate church hat, but you are determined to be front and center blocking everyone else’s blessing (and view).
21. You are ready to fight anyone who thinks they’re going to take your position on the Pastoral Care Committee, Usher Board, or Nurse’s Guild.
22. You have your own seat at church and you bind up any spirit that might provoke someone else to sit in it.
23. Everyone in the church rolls their eyes when you get up to talk because they all know it will just be one of your rambling monologues disguised as a testimony.
Watch: TMI Testimony
24. You think E V E R Y T H I N G is a sign of the rapture.
We’re not “living in the last and evil days” because they forgot to put ketchup in your bag at the drive-thru, Mother.
25. You can explain anything with a scripture or church cliche.
26. You’re the shadiest of the shadiest, in Jesus’ name.
27. You have a patented shout step for praise breaks.
28. Every status update you make has to be about Jesus in some way.
29. You can only listen to secular music that’s been mixed into the gospel.
30. You’re ready to cuss me out in the comments because at least half of this list applies to you.
PS: I was featured on xoNecole this week. Check me out: The Problem with Allowing Your Friends to be Your Side Chicks