The following post is a guest post from Nedalee Thomas of Princess Power. Its contents have only been edited for syntax and flow.
As with all guest posts, the views reflected herein do not necessarily reflect the views of editors or owner of TheUnfitChristian.com
The Bible teaches that fornication is a sin.
Wow! What? I gave my heart to the Lord when I was 5 years old and I’ve been in church my whole life, sometimes as many as five days a week. I even graduated from ministry school a few years ago. While I’ve heard a few preachers preach in passing about fornication, you never hear them bother to define it. It’s always assumed that everyone listening knows what the big F word means. Although it took me years, I finally found out what the pastor meant: he was talking about having sex before marriage.
I know that some people think that biblical concepts are archaic. Yet, I believe that God gives us rules for our own well-being and that He doesn’t always tell us why but it’s for our own good. That doesn’t necessarily make them easy to follow, however. I remained abstinent–which is another word for going without sex–for five full years while going through a divorce and while dating after divorce. Then one night after a little too much kissing, my halo fell off and I went down a forbidden road.
I had always loved sex but unfortunately my former husband didn’t.
In this relationship, I quickly had more sex than I have had in the last 17 years. Sex, glorious sex, was created by God for our enjoyment — inside of marriage. As much as I was enjoying it more than I ever have in my life, I knew what I was doing was wrong because the Bible is so clear on the subject. Casting fear aside, I knew what I needed to do. While I profoundly enjoyed the physical connection between us, I knew I could no longer walk in disobedience to my first love: God, my Father in Heaven.
I really wanted to broach the subject of ceasing to have sex with my partner, but on one hand I didn’t know how to bring it up, and on the other hand I didn’t really want to stop. Whereas I firmly believe that when you’re in a marital relationship that you should never withhold sex, a dating relationship is an entirely different thing. He sensed my discomfort because I had talked about it previously, and he brought up the subject on his own. I’m very proud to say that even though we’re mature adults, meaning in our forties and fifties, we have been able to make the choice to go backwards and are abstaining. I love that he was willing to do that for me. I believe that that shows incredible love and commitment, and I don’t think many men would necessarily do that but I’m proud that mine was willing to.
RELATED: CELIBACY RUINED MY DATING LIFE
We have a joke between us that says if you’re not buying, don’t touch. I constantly tell him, “I’ll buy, I’ll marry you tomorrow after lunch.” But because he is not ready to get married, I know that having sex with him is not the right choice, and when he says “if you’re not buying, don’t touch” he means don’t get me aroused. We don’t fondle each other, we don’t press up against each other, and both oral sex and “hand jobs” are out of the question. While we know that we’re capable of an amazing sexual relationship, we’ve been able to commit that area of our lives back to God and trust Him for the timing that allows us to be married.
God says that obedience is better than sacrifice. Abstinence is indeed sacrifice.
Sometimes I believe that obedience is sacrifice. For me in this case it certainly is. I know that all of us would think that a murderer is a sinner that doesn’t get into heaven, but Moses was a murderer and he was forgiven. We can be forgiven of anything if we ask–except grieving the Holy Spirit. The scripture that really helped me turn back to God and choose Him over my amazing sexual relationship is in Ephesians 5 where it says that fornicators and liars won’t get into heaven. So even if you are not in an inappropriate sexual relationship right now, do you ever lie? There’s so many things that we need to examine ourselves and repent of before we ever begin to judge others.
I hope this little story helps you to take a look at where you might need to recommit an area of your life to the Lord so that we can meet in heaven when we receive our crowns.
Nedalee Thomas of Princess Power is an author, speaker, mother, grandmother, former foster mother, and the founder of seven companies and a non-profit organization. Nedalee went from being a penny pinching homemaker in a mobile home to owning her own multi-million dollar company and living her dream life in Orange County California. When she’s not working, teaching or volunteering, Nedalee can be found at her favorite spot on the beach, kayaking, or dancing the night away, all while still living within her means after donating the majority of her income to charity.
You can find her on the web: Instagram | Pinterest | Twitter | YouTube | Facebook
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But how do you not give in to the desires when your body is screaming at you for attention?
This is in response to another post that I couldn’t respond to: Heather Lindsey.
I was connected with her on facebook before she was even married, so I seen the whole “ministry” begin. I know that she lies and steals. I used to author a Christian education blog (when I was a devout Christian) and she plagiarized me several times. I have proof. And that whole “No Randoms” thing, she got from me. I started buying her books just to see if any of my intellectual property was being used without my consent. She was smart enough to avoid catching a case, because like I said, I keep copy written proof. And soon as I made it known that I was aware of her dishonesty, BLOCK!! She has me blocked on Twitter to this day, which I find hilarious because she would swear up and down that she doesn’t know me because I don’t have a following. People worship her beauty, her marriage, and most of all, her lifestyle. If nowhere else, you can see how much her “fans” worship her in the way that they attack anyone of an opposing viewpoint. (Reminds me of the Beyhive). Worship. And as a “woman of god”, she’s supposed to put it in check and redirect that attention to the creator, but she doesn’t. She’s as big of a hypocrite as her followers are fools. Her husband too. He plagiarizes Maya Angelou and African proverbs like nobody’s business. They are cult leaders. They even jokingly said as much in the beginning of their “ministry”. They play on their followers’ desperation for marriage, money, and fame–creating an illusion of perfection that can be obtained by keeping your legs closed for “a year and eight months” (as she loves to tell people). I see straight through it. They are full of shit. Just my two cents.
Now girl, you know I had to lock those comments before the cult came for my hide. They still manage to find their way into my inbox or social media. Chile….
I am so very moved by this story. It hits home with me on so many levels. I am a young Chritsian woman who has made my own mistakes. As a teenager I had sex with my boyfriend, only the one time but I knew it was wrong immediately. I vowed to never do it again unless it was with my husband and up until recently was unaware that lesser intimacy that caused arousal was also something that I should refrain from. I agree that abstinence can be a sacrifice but it’s a small price to pay. I’d like some advice, even though I’ve repented and know I will never repeat my mistakes again, I’ve lied to my family about the fact that I’m not a virgin. How do I make this right? I don’t know if I can tell them and I’m so afraid that maybe the lie is too big for my parents to stomach.
Jane, I’m not sure that I’m the right person to help you with that advice. But I surely hope you reach out to Nedalee at Princess Power, the author of this post who can probably best help. Please don’t walk and live in the guilt you’re placing on yourself. We all sin and fall short of the glory. But moreover, in my opinion, you sexual decisions belong to you. YOU don’t owe answers about your sexual choices to anyone but God and your future spouse (IF they should ask). There shouldn’t be guilt associated with it, especially if you have repented. It’s been cast into the sea of forgetfulness. You need to forgive yourself because God certainly has already.
Thanks for sharing how you’ve been able to overcome and recommit yourself back to God. It’s wonderful and amazing to have a partner that would do that along with you. #blmgirl
Thanks for reading! This was a guest post by Nedalee Thomas of Princess Power so be sure to check out her site!