The deepest wound was still to come when my parenting was called into question. Fears for my children were expressed because, in their words, fools were raising them. Worst yet, I was asked to keep my truth on the hush and toe the line established by my familial elders. A truth I worked and fought so hard for was on the verge of being buried once again.
Wounds were not easily mended. While things are better now, I was so hurt by one person that we were at odds for a while. I spent more time arguing with them than loving them, something I had never done. Agnosticism erased my biblical faith, not my good heart that was still capable of being broken. Finally, I told them “since you believe I’m going to hell, the best you can do is make this speckle of time on earth with me as best as you possibly can. Don’t push me away because you assume things about me, get defensive and decide to throw scriptures my way as if they carry any weight with me.”
[Tweet “If you believe I’m going to hell, at least make my speckle of time on earth the best you can.”]
***
I don’t have anything against Christians. I love all good people! I believe the Bible was written to instill a sense of morality in humanity for the people of that time and future generations. The New Testament provides a good moral compass, but I just can’t get with the Old Testament stories and the God. I don’t believe God was doing us a favor by granting free will. I would rather have a perfect world and never know evil than have free will because one’s person’s free will can be another person’s hell.
For many people, it’s scary to believe there may not be eternity after death, but why should there be? Why do we feel entitled to have life after death? The reality is death may be the end of our lives as we know it. Although I have heard very convincing stories of the afterlife I have accepted that my legacy, whatever it may be, is life after death. My DNA being carried on in my offspring is life after death. The impact I make on those who live on after me is life after death. Maybe we’re here to protect earth and humanity so that life is better for future generations.
I believe we are all responsible for ourselves and responsible for each other.
We are responsible for our own growth, helping others with their growth, and for taking care of the less fortunate. History has proved that only humans are capable of those actions. Contrary to popular belief, I’m not influenced by Satan. I’m influenced by love and realism. I can’t respect anyone or anything with power to fix something, yet does nothing. Bottom line.
Consider this: “I came to the realization that if I prayed to God for a given number of things, and I prayed to a rock for that same number of things, the chances are very good that the rock and God would answer roughly the same number of times. Muslims pray to their God, Hindus to theirs, Catholics and Protestants to theirs, Wiccans to theirs . . . and after all is said and done, every God seems to answer in roughly the same proportion . . . unless of course for the 100% rate of failure for such requests as healing an amputee or ‘moving a mountain.’”
If you appreciate the honesty of this story, let Britney know!
[Tweet “Yo @BritneyDearest, thanks for your transparency!”]
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I most definitely understand. Thanks for reading! Love your outfits btw 🙂
I enjoyed reading this immensely. Many of my friends are church going Christians. I learned a while ago to “not go there” lest I be dragged into an inpromptu bible study or lesson on the importance of being saved. At one point I even contemplated getting baptized, you know, just in case. But I decided going through the motions would be disrespectful to those that truly believe. Instead, I strive to live by the golden rule. Like everyone else, I fall short time to time. That’s when I remind myself that effort is all that can be expected of us mere mortals.
I meant that other comment for thestyleperk. Whoops! I can most definitely relate to what you mentioned about an impromptu bible lesson lol. Since my experience has been posted to this site I have received five messages of people sharing their testimony and suggestions for books they have read that helped build their faith. I understand where they’re coming from because I was the same way, but being on the other side now I see how irritating it is lol. I’ve heard numerous stories already.
Interesting read and perspective, thanks for sharing. I could never imagine stepping away from my faith, and I truly believe in my heart that God and Christ are real, but I know others have different beliefs and experiences! #BLMGirl
This was very well written Britney. Of course as you have come to your conclusion in your beliefs I have been reassured by mine. I will say this I notice throughout your article and the view into your life through Facebook and your blog that your husband wasn’t a strong believer in Christ, my husband wasn’t either. I knew this would greatly affect my religion and our marriage, I prayed that if God had put it in my heart as strong as He had to love him (God), and honor my husband then God would bring him to Christ. And he answered! It is hard I would say nearly impossible to not be equally yoked in a marriage, compromise happens, and someone “looses”, in this case your relationship with Christ lost.
I am not here to judge you or condemn you. I believe everyone is entitled to their opinion, I am also happy to discuss this more, but as I’ve been very vocal in my belief system I know there is no other answer than The Holy Trinity.
Thank you for reading and commenting Jazmine :-). Please don’t assume things. My husband is not the cause of the failure of my relationship with Christ. The last few years our unequally yoked relationship was a good one. We both had respect for our differences and he never tried to convince me not to believe, although there were times I tried to make him believe. He actually encouraged me to keep going to church telling me that “maybe the holy spirit will help you believe again” because he saw how difficult it was for me to face the fact that I was losing my faith in the Bible and Jesus/God. My journey is one of my own doing. Even though neither of us are believers we still have very different ideas and opinions about spiritual matters.
Deep sis. Great writing. As people begin to ask the questions that we’ve all wanted to ask–but were scared to be condemned so we suppressed them–they will start figuring out more than just what we’ve been “taught.” Through all the good moral teachings, that some were found in earlier belief systems, you begin to notice things that don’t make sense and wonder more. It’s so much to process, so many levels to discuss and think through (capitalism and religion, pre-slavery, coincidences of other systems, etc).
I appreciate your honesty and heart. I still revisit our conversations as I go deeper into the non-matching of religion and history, my personal experiences and what’s best for my family. I thank you for that.
Thank you for reading and commenting! I really appreciate it! I’m excited to see what you and your gorgeous wife have in store with Melanin Connoisseur!